Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Going Solo

Usually Cindy and I hike together. She is unavailable this week and I have been having a really strong desire to get out as much as possible. Maybe the beautiful weather has something to do with that? Anyway I had the morning free and decided to do the Go John Trail up in Cave Creek County Park. Cindy and I did it once last Spring. It is longer than I've ever done by myself, but I felt the need for long too. I checked at the visitors center and it's 5.8 miles. The guy said it takes you 2 to 3 hours depending on how fast you hike. It took me 2 and a half hours so I guess I am somewhere between fast and slow. Something I suspected all along. Anyway, I took my ipod and earphones. I've never done that before either. I had some new music I wanted to listen to. I had lots of thinking time. I know I live alone anyway, and what would be so different, but I think at home I tend to be busy with tasks. Here I had nothing to do but think, walk and listen to music. I won't share all of my thoughts with you but here are some of them:
  • The Thanksgiving Album by Windham Hill is beautiful music.
  • How hard do I need to work at finding an eternal companion?
  • People say a lot of things. They say that if you just live an engaged life you will find somebody. I think I live a pretty engaged life and I haven't met anyone, so what do I need to do differently?
  • Do I know what my faults are? And am I really doing anything about them?
  • Do I come across to men as needy even if I don't feel needy?
  • I liked Adam Lambert on American Idol and bought his new album on Itunes before the whole AMA fiasco. I heard about it the evening of the same day I bought his album. So now I listen to it with a bit of a bad feeling. There is a lot of bad lyrics in the songs. It's a shame because he really has a lovely voice.
  • What happened to my voice? I had a nice singing voice but I think it's gone. I think it's a case of if you don't use it, you lose it. I notice my voice cracking a little on notes at church that it shouldn't be cracking on. Is it because I haven't sung in choir or done any solos in a year or more? Or is it just getting older?
  • Why is my right knee hurting? I've lost weight, my joints aren't supposed to hurt anymore.
  • I can find the trail even when Cindy isn't walking ahead of me. Cindy is always in front and I right behind her.
  • I love Norah Jones. What kind of guitar is that on Cry, Cry, Cry that makes it sound so country? Is it a slide guitar?
  • Her song Man of the Hour is hilarious on her new album. I love it. She has a line something like, not being able to chose between a vegen and a pothead. She chose this guy because he ate meat. It turns out it's her dog. I love it.
  • What dreams do I have and how do I achieve them? What control do I have over reaching my dreams?
  • I want to go on a pack trip in the mountains, maybe the Colorado Rockies. Where you ride horses and camp for a week. My friend Robin did that with a commercial group. I think it sounds awesome. I need to check into how much it costs, etc. Anyone want to go?
  • I'm looking forward to my Mule trip down the Grand Canyon in March.
  • My sister's husband rides a mule. He is excited about her losing weight and has bought her a mule too, so they can ride together again in the Spring. My friend Penny laughs uproariously over that and says no man ever bought her a mule. A want a man who would at least want to buy me a mule (figuratively speaking!).
  • Back to men again. Do I really want one? Yes. I want to learn the lessons of a long term relationship. I want to be asked to give and take. I want the opportunity of compromise with someone else. I truly think life would be richer and fuller if I didn't get everything I wanted all the time.
  • Why is my right knee hurting?
  • What do I want for lunch?
  • What is within my control? I used to believe that the scripture,"We love Him because He first loved us." Could be applied to people in our lives too. I don't think I believe that anymore.
  • That lady just scared me. She ran up behind me and passed me. I had the earphones in and never heard her coming.
  • I think I am going to start going to more singles activities in the area.
  • I am back online again on the singles site.
  • It is somewhat overwhelming and emotionally exhausting.
  • Is my openness a fault? Does it scare people? Do I need to change? Is it something I can change? Would I still be me?
  • Why is my right knee hurting?
  • I am going back on the diet in a day or two, what do I want to eat today if I am not on the diet? I want pizza. If I go to Sam's Club, I can get just a slice of pizza and drink for cheap and not have to have leftovers.
  • What is that green mineral deposit near the end of the trail?
  • It's a beautiful day and it's awesome to be able to walk 5.8 miles without stopping and resting.
  • I'm at Sam's Club and there is a cute fireman in line behind me. Is there a way to meet a completely strange fireman in line at Sam's Club. Apparently not.
  • Why am I limping?


Cynthia said...

You are not usually a limper/hiker. What's going on with your knee today?? I'm glad you enjoyed your hike. I hiked through Dreamy Draw for about 3 hours by myself last month and kind of enjoyed it. It really does give you lots of time to think. (and it looks like you thought a lot). The only thing I don't like about using earphones is that I don't hear people coming up behind me. I feel like I'm being rude hogging the trail when someone comes up behind me and I don't hear them, or I'm afraid I will get plowed down by a mountain bike. Perfect weather for a hike today. I painted holiday windows all day by myself. Maybe I should have brought my MP3 to enterain myself.

Dana said...

I love your ruminations. Don't change. You are wonderful. -- Remember, you could have had Mr. Sneeze-and-Hold-Hands;)

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed that! You have always been so great at accomplishing your dreams, goals & desires, just look at all the very many diferent, difficult and wonderful things you've accomplished!
If he doesn't come, here, you will still have an eternal companion to work things out with, maybe you'll be lucky and earn the better challenge!
I didn't think they still did mules?! That's cool, I didn't know you were going! I'll never want to do "packing" anymore, I'd miss my bathroom too much!
You have done so well and are a great example in a lot of ways, enjoy the fact you don't have things like depression to hold you back, time & money are usually an easier factor to work out!
Hey how was the kyak trip?