Going Solo

Usually Cindy and I hike together. She is unavailable this week and I have been having a really strong desire to get out as much as possible. Maybe the beautiful weather has something to do with that? Anyway I had the morning free and decided to do the Go John Trail up in Cave Creek County Park. Cindy and I did it once last Spring. It is longer than I've ever done by myself, but I felt the need for long too. I checked at the visitors center and it's 5.8 miles. The guy said it takes you 2 to 3 hours depending on how fast you hike. It took me 2 and a half hours so I guess I am somewhere between fast and slow. Something I suspected all along. Anyway, I took my ipod and earphones. I've never done that before either. I had some new music I wanted to listen to. I had lots of thinking time. I know I live alone anyway, and what would be so different, but I think at home I tend to be busy with tasks. Here I had nothing to do but think, walk and listen to music. I won't share all of my thoughts with you but here are some of them:

• The Thanksgiving Album by Windham Hill is beautiful music.
• How hard do I need to work at finding an eternal companion?
• People say a lot of things. They say that if you just live an engaged life you will find somebody. I think I live a pretty engaged life and I haven't met anyone, so what do I need to do differently?
• Do I know what my faults are? And am I really doing anything about them?
• Do I come across to men as needy even if I don't feel needy?
• I liked Adam Lambert on American Idol and bought his new album on Itunes before the whole AMA fiasco. I heard about it the evening of the same day I bought his album. So now I listen to it with a bit of a bad feeling. There is a lot of bad lyrics in the songs. It's a shame because he really has a lovely voice.
• What happened to my voice? I had a nice singing voice but I think it's gone. I think it's a case of if you don't use it, you lose it. I notice my voice cracking a little on notes at church that it shouldn't be cracking on. Is it because I haven't sung in choir or done any solos in a year or more? Or is it just getting older?
• Why is my right knee hurting? I've lost weight, my joints aren't supposed to hurt anymore.
• I can find the trail even when Cindy isn't walking ahead of me. Cindy is always in front and I right behind her.
• I love Norah Jones. What kind of guitar is that on Cry, Cry, Cry that makes it sound so country? Is it a slide guitar?
• Her song Man of the Hour is hilarious on her new album. I love it. She has a line something like, not being able to chose between a vegen and a pothead. She chose this guy because he ate meat. It turns out it's her dog. I love it.
• What dreams do I have and how do I achieve them? What control do I have over reaching my dreams?
• I want to go on a pack trip in the mountains, maybe the Colorado Rockies. Where you ride horses and camp for a week. My friend Robin did that with a commercial group. I think it sounds awesome. I need to check into how much it costs, etc. Anyone want to go?
• I'm looking forward to my Mule trip down the Grand Canyon in March.
• My sister's husband rides a mule. He is excited about her losing weight and has bought her a mule too, so they can ride together again in the Spring. My friend Penny laughs uproariously over that and says no man ever bought her a mule. A want a man who would at least want to buy me a mule (figuratively speaking!).
• Back to men again. Do I really want one? Yes. I want to learn the lessons of a long term relationship. I want to be asked to give and take. I want the opportunity of compromise with someone else. I truly think life would be richer and fuller if I didn't get everything I wanted all the time.
• Why is my right knee hurting?
• What do I want for lunch?
• What is within my control? I used to believe that the scripture,"We love Him because He first loved us." Could be applied to people in our lives too. I don't think I believe that anymore.
• That lady just scared me. She ran up behind me and passed me. I had the earphones in and never heard her coming.
• I think I am going to start going to more singles activities in the area.
• I am back online again on the singles site.
• It is somewhat overwhelming and emotionally exhausting.
• Is my openness a fault? Does it scare people? Do I need to change? Is it something I can change? Would I still be me?
• Why is my right knee hurting?
• I am going back on the diet in a day or two, what do I want to eat today if I am not on the diet? I want pizza. If I go to Sam's Club, I can get just a slice of pizza and drink for cheap and not have to have leftovers.
• What is that green mineral deposit near the end of the trail?
• It's a beautiful day and it's awesome to be able to walk 5.8 miles without stopping and resting.
• I'm at Sam's Club and there is a cute fireman in line behind me. Is there a way to meet a completely strange fireman in line at Sam's Club. Apparently not.
• Why am I limping?